Adam - October 25, 2010

Hey fam, i´m doing good. I´m having a lot of different thoughts right now. I don´t know what to think exactly. It seems like every monday i come and read all the emails and get all emotional and don´t know what i want. I was thinking just 30 minutes ago that I was 95% sure i was coming home. Now i´m just not sure. It´s so frustrating.
So here´s what´s new. I had interviews (as a zone) with president Gálvez. He offered me something really... odd. He offered me a secretary position. That would mean that i´d be in the office most of the day doing paperwork and talking on phones. I don´t know exactly if i want to do it or not. I told him i would, but 5 minutes afterwards i had a really bad feeling about it. I don´t know exactly. Being a secretary would mean that i´d be around president all day, i´d drive a car around, i´d eat fast food a lot more, and i´d live in a really sweet house. The thing is, that´s not really important to me. Yeah, it´d make things cushier, but i´d still be hating life, and after 6 months or so in the office, i´d have to go back out to the field. I just want to go home, but i kinda feel like everyone would feel differently if i did. That i´m not as good or that i´m a bad person if i do. Nobody but missionaries understand really how i feel so it just makes it hard.
I probably spend 5 hours a day thinking about why i want to go home, or what reason i have, but i can´t really think of an exact answer. I think it´s just that 2 years is a lot of time, I don´t want to give that up. Just imagine stopping your life for the next two years, and you are stuck in... jail or something. It´s just so hard.
So today i´m thinking i´ll be telling president that i´m not going to take the secretary position and i still want to come home. We´ll just see how i feel next week though.

My Dear Family,

So this week has been extremely tough. More than usual actually. I´ve been trying to work hard, trying to forget myself, trying to be the missionary that God would want for me. I tried hard, Elder Squires and I walked everywhere because we´re running out of money (It´s the end of the month). We tried making appointments with every one of our investigators, we visited all the people we could think of, and probably had the least successful week a missionary could have. We had a total of maybe 5 lessons, that were mostly with recent converts that are completely active, and the lessons with the investigators were mostly just check-ups. Every appointment we made fell through, seriously every appointment. It was really depressing, and it seemed to follow me too. I went on divisions with leader of the Zone and we only had one lesson out of the 5 or 6 that were planned.

That´s all fine though, I´m done with it, and somewhat getting used to it. What´s been tough is that President threw a curveball at me on Friday. We had a meeting as a whole Zone and Presidenté Gálvez was there. We had individual interviews and the Zone Leaders gave a lesson or two about the work. Well, in my interview, President offered me a new position. He offered me to work in the office as a secretary. I´m not sure exactly what i´d be doing, only that i´d get to drive a car, be in the office all day doing paperwork and talking to people on the phone. I told him that i´d give it a try, but 5 minutes after saying that i felt horrible. I felt sick to my stomach and really upset. I spent the next 2 or 3 hours of the meeting thinking about it, praying about it, and considereing how it would change my mission. ´Maybe that if i´m struggling with the whole proselyting thing, teaching people, that if i take a break, i´ll feel better about it. But i realized that i´m having a problem with other things. It´s that i don´t want to give up my time. That my time here has been the most depressed, worst time in my life. I don´t want to feel this anymore and I´m ready to come home. I said that i´d try the office because it had a lot of ´´perks´´. i would get to drive, i´d have a cell phone, i´d use a computer all day, get to listen to music, not be outside walking all the time, and i get to eat a lot more fast food.

Anyways, I don´t think i´m going to be doing the office thing. I need to tell Presidenté that i still want to come home. That means that i´ll probably be coming home on the 11th of November. I´ll probalby have a more concrete answer next week. Love you all so much. Know that I do have a testimony of this church and I love the church. I know the book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith is one of the most amazing prophets ever to have lived. (Just behind Jesus Christ) I love you all so much. Until next week.

Elder Adam Paulsen

P.S. Today we made a cake, it was pretty fun and tasted great!

Adam - October 18, 2010

Hey family,
So i went to the mission office again to talk to John. It was good, but we didn´t really have much to say. We just talked about the mission and the living conditions. Nothing much. Well, after my call with john, i talked to my President about starting my process of coming home. He told me to email my Stake President. I did and found out that the first step in the process starts on President Gálvez´s end.
I know everyone is really upset and sad for me. I know, but i don´t think anyone understands how upset and sad i am here. I´ve talked to so many people and so many people have talked to me. I´ve prayed and fasted and prayed and went to the temple and prayed. I´ve done everything, but i still feel like i want to go home.
President Gálvez said that he´d like if I stayed until the next changes meeting. That means for another 3 weeks. He said it´s just what´s fair for the other missionaries and investigators. The thing is... i know it can be done sooner, that everyone would get along just fine without me, that the same ammount of work would go on with or without me. I feel like it´s going to be a LONG, three weeks of pure torture if i feel the way i am.
Mom, you can´t come to Costa Rica. It´d just be easier for me to come home. And I don´t know what the possibilities are for a mission in the future. If i could come home, see if the way i´m feeling goes away, and go somewhere stateside? I just don´t know if #1- I´d want that and #2- If i can do that. I just don´t have the desire to be on a missionary right now. Part that i don´t feel like a mission is all that it´s cracked up to be.
I just don´t know. Well, I know what i want, but i know it comes a big price. Well, I love you all. I hope that i´ll be seeing you soon. The thought of finally coming home is what i look forward to everyday. Sorry for all the sadness and problems I´m causing. Love you all.

Elder Adam Paulsen

John - October 18, 2010

Hola, Sorry everybody i don´t have much time to write to you all. I spent a lot of time writing adam and such. I will tell more later. well i´ve got to go. I love you all.

Adam - October 11, 2010

Hey family,

So not everything is as good as it´s been sounding. I´ve been having a really hard time here. Dealing with emotional things, physical things, and spiritual things. Last week there were E-changes to get me closer to the President so we can talk easier. I asked him to go home to weeks ago but he´s been having me wait, pray, and make sure that´s really what i want. After listening to Conference, and praying a lot, I don´t feel like i´ve gotten any answer to stay here. I know what kind of consequences there will be, and i know i´ll letting a lot of people down, but i feel for some reason that this is the best thing for me.

I don´t know really what more to tell you. I love you all so much. I know i have a testimony of the church and that i want to live the rest of my life with a wife and a family as members of the church. I just love you all so much.

Always,

Elder Adam Paulsen

John - October 11, 2010

Hello everybody,
Wow dad 2nd councler on the bishopric!! wow that is way awesome! Hah, That is so cool, i could just picture dad sitting up on the stand, next to the bishop and all. So cool. and wow your 3nd calling, it seems like more than three callings, but no your right. Oh by the way can you send me an email telling me about why you came to utah for school and not anywhere else, dad? I know you´ve told me, but i want to hear all of it. Also how you came to know this church was true. I know the outside picture, but i want to hear how it happened inside:)
Well yes things here are probably getting dryer, i never really know because as misionaries we can´t watch news or anything, so im out of the loop on everything. But it hasn´t rained here in like a week almost two, which is really wierd so it must be the dry season now. Plants are still as green as can be. I don´t know if i´ve told you before, but this place is just exploding with plants and everything. Anywhere there is dirt, basically there is something trying to grow there. Also there are a ton of raoaming dogs, the trick to get them to stop barking at you or stop approaching you is to bend down like your going to pick up a rock to throw at them, and they will run away.
Umm, so about general conference, yeah i loved the talk from Elder Uctdorf about ¨don´t enhail¨ also like all the talks in the priesthood session were awesome!
Hah so a little story for you about how hummid it is here, well. In the States ya know how gum is really stiff and keeps its form, ha well here it is so soft and floppy. Like if i keep it in the wrapper and hold it on one end, the top will just flop down to the bottom. but yeah, also paper here is really soft, because of the moisture in the air.
well yeah, ha so this week Our compañero mayor... older companion, superior companion, no... ha sorry im having a hard time recalling what this is in english. well anyway since Elder Ramos had his nose surgery, he can´t go procoliting with us, Elder Linares and I. So its been him and me. Ha two missionaries who have the same amount of time in the mission, almost 4 months. But it seems like this whole next week he will still have to stay indoors. Wow its wierd to say i´ve been out here for 4 months. 4 Months.... wow. well i love this area im in. The family, Familia Palacios, that E. Brotherson and i baptised really likes us, they always say that we have a special place in their hearts :) They are an awesome family and i like them a lot. They have a two year old son, Alberto, and everytime we go over to teach them something i play a little bit with him. I like it, it reminds my of my days at Dimple Dale (Dell?). Anyway i like it and they say that he loves it! well... I´m not really sure what else to write... i love you all!
oh also if anyone want to make contact with me, it could be a good idea to send me an email instead of normal mail, because normal mail takes so long. Oh by the way tell the Olsen´s that i recieved Emma´s letter. ha that she sent about a month and a half ago. I doubt she is still in town.
-Elder John Paulsen-

Adam - October 4, 2010

Hey family,

So I have some interesting news for you all. I got changed. I know i said i didn´t have changes, but there was an issue and they moved a few people around. I ended up getting changed this morning to a new area. The city is called Guadalupe, and it´s a pretty big city. I love it so far. There are so many more people, especially families, and actual stores. Today for my first meal, McDonalds. It´s was a nice little piece of heaven again. I love anything from the United States here, you should be grateful for what you all have.

So my new companion is Elder Squires. He´s from Idaho and he´s about 6´6. People are pretty scared of us because we´re white, and both really tall. We tower over everyone. But I´ve only been with him for a few hours. He´s really cool, and a great missionary. He´s super excited about our area and wants to work hard. That´ll be a good change for me.

I don´t know much about my new area, from what i´ve heard it´s a little dangerous. I think we´ll be okay though. I don´t think any little short punk is going to try and get any money out of two guys twice his size. The members here are pretty sweet, we are big enough to even be a WARD! How sweet is that? I´ve only met one of the members, but he´s pretty sweet. He´s a recent convert of like 3 or 4 months and is planning on serving a mini-misison here in Costa Rica in December for a change or two. He´s really cool. My area is a lot cooler than Barranca. It´s really nice, and we have a doucha ... aka warm water for a shower. I´m pretty stoked to try that out. We live in a small house with two rooms. THe bathroom is super small. You kinda have to step over the toilet to get to the shower, but it doesn´t stink so thats a bonus. We have a cook that makes us breakfast and lunch here. That´ll be nice

So USU beat BYU. Thats awesome. I´m glad i´m not a BYU fan right now, that´s kinda embarrasing. USU only won like 2 games last year. I wish i was there for that game. That would´ve been awesome. I guess going independent might not have been the best idea. ha ha.

Conference was great! We got to sit in a room and listen to the conference in English. Half we watched on the computer, and half on a tv. It´s hard to pick one talk that is my favorite because they were all really good.

I got mom´s letter. Checked on the package, but it´s still not here. I guess they only check it a few days every week, so maybe it´ll be coming next week. Thanks for sending another. I´m excited to finally get something from the unted states. They just can´t do anything the same here.